frank archives:
homo-franko relations
archive #2
Frank Relations
When Franks first began appearing across the globe, humans were understandably terrified. The Franks' enormous height made them seem like a potential threat to human civilization. Despite this, Franks were—and still are—completely harmless.
Archaeologists found through ancient fossils and artefacts that the franks have a generally clumsy nature due to their extreme lengths. They fell over so frequently that they would require instruments for stability, that was before they evolved a third spinal chord.
​
Despite their size, Franks were gentle creatures who made active efforts to avoid stepping on humans, this was no easy task. Humans, however, did not appreciate this, they wanted riddance of the entire race. The tension ultimately led to the events of the Homo Franko War of 1779.
The Beginning of War
In June of 1773, an incident occurred that unintentionally pushed humanity into war. The humans never saw what was coming. To be fair, neither did the Franks. This event is known today as The Great Elimination.
​
What happened?
According to historical accounts, a large group of Franks were peacefully queuing for what was known back then as a "Hotdog" or "Sausage" (now coined as franks).
Among them was a smaller Frank—only 60 meters tall but significantly rounder than average, weighing approximately 16,398 kilos. Unfortunately, standing directly in front of it was a much taller Frank, around 3 meters in height. Unable to see anything below its enormous belly, the larger Frank tripped over the smaller one, causing a catastrophic domino effect. Not only that, due to massive Frank's heft, it was shaped like a bowling ball and continued to roll for 42 minutes, ambushing a whole country.
​
This accident was interpreted by humans as an act of war. Nations mobilized. Troops assembled. Specialists in various fields of warfare collaborated under one shared mission: “ELIMINATE ALL FRANKS OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.”
This initiative was known as eafoftote (pronounced ee-fo-fo).
​​
The battle went on for a solid 3 days. ​
The Battle
Humans began by targeting the smallest Franks, who—as gentle creatures—did not fight back. By Day 2, six war groups united to take down a colossal Frank standing at 108 meters. Their strategy was simple: attack downward. If the Frank toppled over, they believed they would win.
​
They succeeded, the Frank toppled. Unfortunately, it landed directly on all the war groups.
This unexpected casualty event ended the war abruptly. In the aftermath, leaders realized a critical fact: most Franks were far bigger than anticipated. Efforts to eliminate them became impossible without also eliminating humanity.
Thus, the war concluded at D-3, 15:32.
Peace, it seems.
Post War to Now
Following the war, the population of Franks grew exponentially. Today an estimated 69% of Earth's intelligent species are Franks. Only Franks. Humans and Franks have since reconciled, and the Franks have mastered the arts of - not accidentally steamrolling the fu*k out of humans.
Peace, it seems.